Stream...

 
Dust rises from the ground as the hooves of the cows strike their chord with Mother Earth.  Sun has transformed into a lovely orange orb, a fruit so delicious, yet so unattainable. As I make my way towards the bank of the stream, my mind is running myriad of emotions. Anticipation, expectation, apprehension, fear make for a toxic cocktail, yet that elusive glimmer of hope keeps my soul fire burning.

A cool breeze hits my face as I come closer to the stream. The tune of the tiny waves on the pebbles adds to musical effect of Mother Nature who seems to be teasing my senses. Pebbles and granules caress my feet as I walk towards my destination. Questions galore, clouded mind I make my way to my destined point. As I enter the water and feel the coldness of the evening stream, I amaze at the theatre laid out by Mother Nature for my encounter with destiny.

Is this my real destination? Did I really reach my goal? As I grapple with these sundries, a glimmer of hope rises over the horizon. A radiance far outshining the waning orb, like a streak of lightning against a dark sky. There she comes… the one who has enamoured my imagination.. one who has diffused into every cell of mine… the one who is the essence of every single breath…

As she comes to fill her water, our eyes meet.. albeit for a moment.. that momentary glimpse is sufficient for the arduous journey I took… my day has been spectacular… As she fills water and steals glances, I know the battle of wits within the soul… For I am also living through the same…

As her form fades into the evening, my heart melts… desirous of yet another glance.. one more small spark… my heart is filled with emotions.. Overwhelming love… unexplainable happiness… yet a melancholic streak of expectation.. of yet another day… for I am sure I will live another day.. come and have a glance.. that one fleeting gland… of my love… my inspiration… my spirit.. the spark of my soul…

Time stands standstill for me. Eons pass in a fleeting second, yet the unquenchable thirst of just a sight doesn’t seem to subside. I have lost track of time since the first encounter. Questions still cloud my mind, for am unable to fathom the happenings of the recent past. While the smile is unmistakable, does she have the fire in her? Am I misunderstanding a courtesy and painting with hues unknown to me hitherto? Am I stretching my imagination too far? Hell… am I loosing my sanity?

Grappling with these questions in my mind, I make my way to the stream. The usual zeal is missing.. Energy is ebbing.. I am feeling sapped..  Excitement is replaced with apprehension as I make my way to the stream.. Standing in the water I look at the reflection.. Questions come flowing into my mind much like the flowing waters of the stream.. Who am I ? What am I doing? What am I thinking? Confused, dazzled, hazed … I am stuck in a trance that I fail to notice the arrival … the one which I was waiting for the entire day…

She is a beacon of radiance.. every new sight of hers makes me feel she is transforming into a bright sphere of unending brightness. She smiles.. the twinkle, the mischief all intact… as if cast in a play… the only irony being the play is that of my life.. Clouded I am, I don’t respond… for the first time, I observe the brows narrowing… the contours of the face changing.. a different image unravelling itself in front of me… What is going wrong… Stunned like a rock, I am looking at her, but my sight is clouded… my mind registers an unknown horizon .. unknown to me, a tear escapes my eye.. Lost in time, I am standing like a rock for what looks eternity…

Turning myself in the bed, unable to sleep, I am crying.. reasons unknown… Too many questions are making me go mad and question my sanity.. I am loss of words… In the middle of the night I decide to do the unthinkable…

Next day, I am standing at the stream… ankle deep in water… lost in my thoughts when a familiar face comes into my sight… Quite surprisingly I find her unemotional…. I couldn’t stand it anymore… I cross the stream… Cold water making their presence felt all over my body, more importantly over my soul.. as I go neck deep, I have thrown caution to the winds for I don’t know swimming… My objective, my goal was right in front of me…

A spirit, a hidden fire inside makes me transcend my mental barriers.. before I know I find the waters receding… I know am closer to my goal… when I come close to the face I so desire.. concern and sheer fear written alll over that beautiful face in front of me… I can feel her warm breath caressing my cold face… Its chilly cold, yet I feel so warm….

Our eyes meet… the twinkle… the brilliance …. As I pour into her eyes, I find that I am getting into a soul…. God, I would love to die at that very moment…. She looks into my eyes, when a pearl appears at the corner… as it races down her fair cheek, I smile… I am relieved…. finally..my questions answered… I know my answer….

Centuries seem to have passed since that proverbial encounter. What started as a small spark has grown into a roaring flame consuming my soul entirely. From a person who desired her to a person whose every cell and essence reeked of her, I had become a proverbial lover. The language of the eyes seem to be communicating a lot though the sounds were drowned by the cacophony of the theatre we were playing our parts in. Time seemed to stand still always..

My body was running a fever.. a fever of strong uninhibited desire of expression. I wanted to shout out to the world and say “She is mine…” Yet I was at the cross-roads of conflict .. torn by the boundaries and limitations imposed by the society.. more importantly her..  The fever started as a mild fire soothing the soul, but gradually became an inferno that my head felt as it was on charcoals..

Deciding to douse this once and for all, I made my journey across the stream. There she was .. her eyes… her smile… oh if there was a power to melt a stone, here she was… I cross the water and sat on the bank…. I requested her to sit next to me…. As expected she was hesitant…. My fever was roaring inside me… A cocktail of emotions.. anger, frustration, apprehension, exhaustion… I did the unthinkable… I reached out and held her tender hands…. She was shocked !!!

I never expected what transpired next… Reflex action as it was.. she pushed me…. And started to run.. Amidst the noise all around, I could her sob…. I could clearly see her tears down her rosy cheeks… those wonderful eyes welled up and she started to run away….

Disbelief played all over me.. did I ruin everything… What did I achieve out of this stunt of mine… did I lose something I had in hand… Am I such a loser? I have always lost in life… what seemed like one small silver lining in my life… I lost her…

Gazing into the stream ahead of me.. I started to ponder.. unknown to me .. tears started to run down my cheek…

As the sun sets over the horizon so do my hopes and desires… what started as a small sob has been become a hopeless downpour… There I am .. in the twilight.. a grown man sitting and crying hopelessly on the bank of the stream.. I don’t remember the time or space I was in… all I knew was excruciating pain…. The pain of a loss… When I crossed the stream later.. neither the chillness of the water nor the pounding rain had any effect on me… I was a corpse crossing the stream…

I pulled myself off the water.. went home and dropped dead in bed.. hopelessly staring at the ceiling as if there was an answer written to my soulless face. There I was … the proverbial loser….

Yet another dawn… not the one I hoped for…. Soon it was the time of the day I set out on my journey to the stream.. Streak of hope I walked to the stream and stood on my side of the bank… seconds ticked by… minutes raced past…. Before I knew it was dark… yet there was no sign of the spark I hoped to get a glimpse off !!! The mood of the environs matched that of my mind… completely dark … I collapse on the pebbles.. … My eyes are dry… Soul has been withered… it’s been churned out of the essence of life…. I am quite certain I lost the one blessing I thought I had as mine..

The ritual continues everyday… I have lost track of time or days… my stubble has gone astray.. to the external world I am a lunatic… a hopeless lost case who for unexplainable reason has lost every ounce of life within him..

A week has passed since my stupidity… I drag my body… heavy as a dead corpse to the stream.. I don’t even have the energy or zeal to look at the other bank… I am staring hopelessly in the water…I am oblivious to my environments… I don’t even see what was happening on opposite side… I even don’t see what was transpiring.. Something somewhere started to prick me… I looked up… saw the other side and lo ! behold… I could see the one person I dearly wanted to see.. to talk.. to apologise….

With the energy of a horse I start to cross the stream… Water level doesn’t matter… pebbles don’t hurt any more… Like a mad man, I make the mad rush across the gushing water.. I am almost to the other bank… My vision is treated to her feet in the water…. Almost involuntarily I reach out close to the feet … An apology perhaps….

I drag myself out of water and sit on the bank.. wet and dripping… ashamed to even look up … I look at her … apology and deep pain written all over my hopeless wretched face… She stands stoic… absolutely no expressions… I hang my head down..

I can sense a movement next to me…. I see a familiar figure next to me sitting down… I am crying hopelessly… Aimlessly.. I look at her… eyes filled with tears… I can see a compassion in those eyes… I want to say “I am sorry” but words fail me… am sobbing uncontrollably…. I hang my head in shame yet again… Moments pass… I am slightly better with the overflow of emotions..

I look at her.. there she is next to me… her physical presence is magnetic in nature… Something comes over me… How do I address her? I don’t even know her name… I turn towards her and blurt out… “I LOVE YOU…”

I was expecting strong retribution …. No reactions.. Yet again the familiar pangs of my best friend LOSER start to make their presence felt… I just look at the pebbles…. Hurt transforms into anger…

I look up again and tell her.. “ Didn’t you hear what I said? Are you deaf !!!! I said I Love….” … a finger shuts my lips… was it the warmth of her hand on my cold face or was it the moment… I am held in a trance…

She comes close to me… her face is right next to me…. Her hot breath is right on my face… my mind was running myriad of emotions… I close my eyes…. She is very close to me.. the physical boundaries between our bodies are nonexistent.. She rests her head on my shoulder.. and hugs my hand in a protective fashion…

I am at a loss of words at what just transpired…. Happiness knew no bounds…. I just couldn’t express the situation…. Mustering courage I ask her..
“What is your name…” .. our eyes meet…. Time is lost forever…