Stream... another perspective

 I am just a medium, a channel of expression. For I can’t possibly fathom the pleasures and pains of her. She is the one who is blessed to be a spark, an igniter of new life. To even think of representing her view is blasphemous for me.. When I just start thinking, my head starts to spin. I wait for her spirit to engulf my soul.. I open my being, my soul to be taken over by her.. For it’s her story to tell…

Trinkets and bangles adorn the table fit for a queen. Spoilt for choices, I am still clueless. Pleasures of life galore all around me, an unknown emptiness sucks the energy of my soul. While I do go through the motions of life, familiar voices wanting my help bring me back to the reality of life. While I go through the motions of life, an empty beckoning is heard. Unable to quantify this void, I learnt to live with it.. to an extent I even forgot about it..

My only escape from reality is my meeting with my mother.. rather our mother.. Mother Nature. As I take a stroll through the woods, I talk to the trees, to the lovely flowers who are blooming afresh.. to those who are on the verge of withering away… I stand enchanted with the love song of birds. The harmony of the chirping only is an aberration for one can’t miss the strong odour of love emanating from that.

Desirous of music I make my way to the stream.. The water is my best friend, my only friend.. I love to hear his new song every day… He tells me the tales of the people he met on his journey towards me.. I hope he will carry my story some day… For now I am like a fresh blackboard with a chalk, yet no words adorn my exterior…

While I fill my water, I hardly notice anything around.. For me, my world is entirely internal.. Birds are besties while the water is my soul.. I am safe in the womb of my mother… Until, I notice something out of the ordinary…

Who is he? Why is he staring at me? Quite uncomfortable at the intruder and literally angry with the unwanted guest, I hurry home.. Though my duties keep me busy, there’s a thread running in my head… Who is he?

The next day, my solace is broken by the unwanted but known familiar face. He is smiling like an enamoured kid.. Doesn’t he know my predicament? Does he know my own conflicts?

Unwilling to add fuel to the fire, I ignore him.. With time, I realise, the more I ignore him, the more he is occupying my conscious. I am intrigued with this unwelcome guest who has captured my senses and disturbed my inner peace. Why do his thoughts make me laugh? Why do I enjoy his unwelcome company ?

With time, involuntarily my heart made me smile…. I could see a palpable happiness written all over his face.. For some reason, I felt excited and happy. While on my journey back, I am laughing to myself… when was I alive last? When was my soul released last? Drunk with this new founded happiness I make my way to my reality..

One day, this unwelcome guest gives me the shock of my life… he jumps in water and comes towards me… Who is he? Is he crazy? What if he drowns?? An unexplainable pang comes over my heart… When he is submerged, my heart starts to bleed…. I am crying profusely sending prayers to god… Please .. please spare him….  When I see his head rear over water, uncontrolled tears of happiness come over me… I wanted him to live.. for he has become my reason to live.. my spirit of unknown dimensions..

As he reaches out to my feet, I am startled…. What if??? Yet he chose not to react…. When he settled on the banks, I was elated and relieved… more happy than one could be…. Then he did the unthinkable…. He touched my hand…

ANGER… a sudden rush of fire hidden in the depths of me emerged like a volcano… How dare he? Who does he think himself to be? Does he know who I am? The compassion and happiness at his emergence from water is soon forgotten and I am strutting back home without even looking back..

When I am alone, my anger doesn’t subside… HOW DARE HE??? Unwilling to let go of my new found anger, my body is shivering with heat… Is this fever? Is this anger? Or is this the unexplainable unwanted unexpected event that I hoped would never come to transpire?

The next day I do make my way to my spot.. I don’t listen to the birds.. I don’t watch the trees.. My best friend the stream has become silent… Still hurting and raw from the incidents of previous day, I hide myself behind a tree… I was quite disappointed when I saw no one around.. I felt dejected if I had landed up breaking that one escape from reality that I so desired badly..

When I am about to turn back, I hear a ruffle amongst leaves and a familiar figure comes into sight. A man, desperately and hopelessly defeated, eagerly searching for a glimpse of the elusive elixir… that’s  me.. I see the form of the man collapse to the ground… I wait till he walks back and I make my way back to my reality…

This continues for a week, with every passing day, the thoughts of this unnamed man engulfing my present. My heart starts to bleed for him. I can’t see a grown up man sitting and crying hopelessly like a child.. Why is he doing this? Of all the people in the universe, why me? I grapple with these questions day and night. Every single thought evokes unknown hidden emotions… I find myself worrying about him with every passing second…

Finally after a week, I relent… I decide to confront my reality and let the reality sink in for all.. I have enough of this conflict within me which has eaten me hollow from inside.. I see him coming towards me .. Though I am worried as always, I am quietly confident he will make it… When he comes to the bank, I see a grown defeated man.. a man hopelessly and aimlessly staring into water… crying for no reason….

For that is the moment I truly understood the predicament I faced… this man was hopelessly in love with me… What about me? Why did I worry about him? Why did I cry for him? Why did his struggles become mine? What about my reality back home??

Grappling with the questions, I feel the raging war between the mind and the soul.. I sit next to him… He utters the words he wished to, but I was dumb at that moment.. for me the syllables were an aberration.. For at that moment, I truly knew the answer…

When he tried to say something again, quite against my character, I touch the skin of another man… I stop him.. for words are just trivialising what we both feel deep within our hearts… The physical distance doesn’t matter as the souls were conjoined..

I decided.. I need to express and be free.. I need him to know that my soul was his for entirety…. I wish I could express my deep love to him… Though he expected me to kiss him, I decided to better it.. I rest my shoulders on him indicating my dependence on him.. engulf his hands to say I will never leave your side for rest of my life… Close my eyes to enjoy this surreal moment of bliss..

When he asks for my name, I smile.. I wish I could shout and say.. “I Love you… I am your ….. “